Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone signed my nipple.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
