Just cropdusted the office
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
