I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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