After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
