So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
