i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
