Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
