So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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