I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
