We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
