So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
