Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
