The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
