About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
