ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
