# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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