thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
