angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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