i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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