Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
