She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
