great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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