apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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