My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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