So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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