Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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