I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
