I hate your face
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
