wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
