Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
