i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
