my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
