I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
