Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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