Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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