if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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