He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
