my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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