Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
