Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
