The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Randomize
