we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
