I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
