no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
