I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
