My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
