Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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