I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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