i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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