I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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