I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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