I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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