I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
