This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
