listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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