just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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