So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even my vagina gasped.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
