I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
