very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
