maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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