he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
