You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
