Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
