the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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