If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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