so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The Olympian is in my bed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
