why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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