Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
