OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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