but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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