I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
